Posts Tagged ‘Abi’

Survivor - Courtesy CBS

Really, all that needs to be said about this week’s episode is:


Of course, there is a bit more to it than that, but not much. Skupin won the reward challenge and opted to take (obviously) Malcolm and Lisa with him on a boat-and-pizza afternoon. While Skupin got drunk on sugar, Denise was stuck at camp looking for things with which to gouge out her ears to avoid having to listen to Abi talk for one more second. While on the boat, Malcolm apparently solidified his final three, telling Skupin and Lisa that he wanted to go to the end with them. This is probably a good move by Malcolm, but it seems like adding insult to injury to do so when Denise is suffering so badly alone with Abi.

At the immunity challenge, Malcolm stages an amazing “come from behind” victory by being the first to complete the maze even though he fell off the ladder and had to restart. Malcolm’s win seemingly cleared the path for an easy vote, but nothing is ever easy on Survivor, especially with Lisa playing. Abi starts telling her that she’s definitely on the bottom of the final four (probably not all that far off), and Lisa, as she is wont to do, immediately seizes on Abi’s idea of getting rid of Denise while she has the chance. She and Skupin chat it over and apparently decide to take this course of action. The threat to Denise is compounded when she goes to Malcolm and asks him to give her his hidden immunity idol, since it’s the last chance to use it and he doesn’t need it. For some reason (perhaps because he recognizes that Denise is his biggest threat), Malcolm refuses, saying he’s going to bring it home and give it to his mom to put on her mantle. Perhaps Malcolm was hoping that Lisa and Skupin would do his dirty work for him and he could get rid of Lisa without having to actually betray her.

Ultimately, Lisa flipped (or flopped) before tribal council or during Abi’s insanely annoying rant in which she continually called Skupin an idiot and a moron, Abi was finally sent home, and the final four that was agreed on weeks ago came to fruition. Now the real fun begins.

So: Will Malcolm complete his improbable run from worst tribe to sole Survivor? How many more times will Lisa flip-flop? Will either Lisa-Skupin or Malcolm-Denise break up, or will it come down to a 2-2 tie and a fire challenge to decide the final 3? Was Denise bitten by a vampire and how will she use her vampire skills to ensure herself a spot in the final 3?


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Survivor - Courtesy CBS

Let me just go on record as saying that I hate family visit episodes. The hysterical crying, the waxing poetic about how much their family members mean to them, all the talk about how it puts it all into perspective . . . ugh. I want to yell at them all to shut up. Maybe I have a heart made of ice, but I can’t help thinking how ridiculous these people are. It’s been a month since you saw each other and you’re going to be home in a week (not to mention, with the exception of Denise and her husband, I highly doubt that any of these people live with their loved ones still and, if that’s the case, I’d imagine they regularly go a month or more without seeing each other.) So just everybody calm down. Blah blah blah the stress of the game but seriously, you all look crazy. The family visit this time was made exponentially more annoying by the presence of Lisa and her angel of a younger brother, Justice. He didn’t even seem creeped out by her sobbing snotty tears into his t-shirt, so I’m left with the horrible realization that Lisa’s over-dramatic behaviour in the game isn’t quite as far removed from reality as I was hoping.

Anyway, the reward challenge starts up right away, and Malcolm and his goofy younger brother win a day together at camp. As was to be expected, Malcolm gets to choose other people to get to share in this joy and he chooses Lisa and Skupin (whose behaviour towards his namesake son – the “best human being I’ve ever known” – was second only to Lisa for its over-the-topness). I thought he made a mistake by not choosing Denise, but she didn’t seem to upset about it. And Lisa is a wildcard, so Malcolm rightly assumed that having her brother there would help her to avoid a complete meltdown.

What Malcolm didn’t necessarily count on is that Lisa’s brother would try and convince her to revive her earlier idea about blindsiding Malcolm. They bring the two Michael Skupins over to further discuss this idea, and then they form a surreal prayer circle to ask God to bless their blindside. Even though Lisa later said in a talking head that she doesn’t really think that God has the time to care about the outcome of a reality TV show, it’s pretty clear from their prayers and subsequent discussions that they think there’s a pretty good chance that he’s at least tuning in. They then have a surreal discussion about what Jesus would be like if he played Survivor, concluding he’d look like Malcolm and play like Carter, which is pretty weird if you ask me. Jesus could be a pretty harsh dude when he wanted to be.

Anywho, all these machinations turn out to be for naught when Malcolm wins immunity (Lisa/Skupin decide that God obviously has bigger plans with them in the final four). It was made especially sweeter by the fact that Malcolm didn’t even know he was in danger, and with his subsequent glee at realizing that he still has the hidden idol (which he’ll play next week) and is therefore guaranteed a spot in the final four. With Malcolm’s win, Lisa and Skupin abandon all thought of breaking up the decided-upon final four and discussion turns to whether they should get rid of Abi (who is still playing her fake “hidden immunity idol” for all its worth) or Carter. Although Carter makes a semi-coherent argument that if they get rid of him, they’d be going against their stated belief in keeping people around who actually deserve to be there, the four ultimately decide that Carter’s too much of a threat and vote him out. It probably wasn’t a bad move, really, since Carter almost won this immunity challenge and, as I’ve said before, had the potential to sneak in the back door of the final four by winning out. Still (I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before) I HATE ABI and I WANT HER GONE, so I can’t totally get behind this move. At this rate, I’m worried that something really weird is going to happen and Abi’s going to be sitting at that final tribal council. While I know that she would have no chance at winning, I don’t think I could stomach the sight of Abi trying to explain why she’s deserving of the million.

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So, when I was watching it all unfold last night, I was pretty annoyed with the producers for essentially handing Abi immunity. Of course it’s possible that they’d planned ahead of time for the Survivor Auction to take place at this point in the game, and it’s not really under the producers’ control that the other survivors were too stupid to save their money for the inevitable “advantage in the immunity challenge” prize, but I do think it was awfully convenient that the advantage was skipping to the last round and that the last round was the only challenge so far that required absolutely zero skill. It made no sense that after two rounds of doing the rope maze thing, the final round was just untying knots. That reeked of last-minute producer interference and I hated it. In the end, it probably won’t affect the outcome of the game overall, but the thought of having to stare at Abi’s delusional face for another week is deeply unsettling.

Anyway, with Abi’s win came the inevitable focus on voting out Penner. Overcome with guilt, Lisa went to Penner and blabbed the whole plan, telling Penner that he is her heart connection in the game, but she just can’t not be a follower, so she’s voting him out. The more she cries and talks about how much bigger the game is than herself, the more I can’t help but see Lisa as the type of person who would easily get sucked into a cult. She might desperately not want to vote Penner out, but the mighty Malcolm and Denise have spoken, so she’ll do what they say. If their stay on the island was any longer, I have no doubt that she’d end up drinking some kool-aid.

Anyway, with Penner flabbergasted that his decision not to make empty promises basically sealed his fate, he scrambles and tries to convince Skupin to flip and vote with him, Carter, and Abi to take out Denise. He keeps scrambling at Tribal Council where this season’s trend of utter honesty continues as Penner tells everyone that there’s no way they’ll win if they’re sitting beside Denise or Malcolm, so the only move is to vote out Denise right now. The editors did what the could with Skupin’s hilarious facial expressions, but it was clear pretty quickly that neither Skupin nor Lisa would be able to think independently of Denise and Malcolm. Malcolm was even confident enough to not have to play his idol on Denise, even though Penner yelled out his vote as he was writing it down.

Here’s the thing with all of Penner’s scrambling – he’s absolutely right. I don’t think there’s any way that Denise or Malcolm doesn’t win and really, Malcolm probably has this in the bag. The final four might change – I still think Carter has a good chance of winning immunity to sneak into the final 3, but that’s about it. Abi might think she’s being super clever by telling people she has a hidden idol (in fact, I’m positive that she thinks she’s pretty much the best player to have ever played the game), but I don’t think anyone else is stupid enough to buy it. So, it should be Abi next week, then Carter/Lisa/Skupin. After Penner’s torch was snuffed, they cut to a shot of Malcolm and you could almost see the realization hit him – he’d gone from being on the worst tribe to winning the million dollars. He just has to ride it out for a few more days.

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After Skupin’s surprise flip last week, it was pretty much a certainty that this week would be decidedly less dramatic. Still, thanks to some skilful editing and some not-so-skilful players, even going into Tribal Council there was a 1% chance that someone other than Pete/Abi was going home. After a few seasons where there was clearly one dominant player who controlled everything from early on, it’s refreshing to have a season where there are so many people who see themselves as leaders and who, in fact, have acted as leaders at one point or another.

Post-Tribal, Abi decided to go passive-aggressive rather than apoplectic-aggressive. She shrugged off Lisa’s attempts at a cordial break-up conversation, and announced (seemingly at every opportunity) that she was no longer going to bother cooking. Her new strategy seems to be to just lay around, enjoy the next few days on the beach and piss everyone else off. In more recent seasons, this would have essentially punched her ticket to the final 3 (no jury votes!) but this season is different. This seasons’ players seem focused on only bringing people who deserve it to the final and that certainly doesn’t include Abi.

Since it’s obvious in the first act how the votes are going to go down at Tribal, the 6 non-Abi/Pete people take the opportunity to try and lock down a final 4. There are essentially 3 pairs – Malcolm/Denise, Lisa/Skupin, Penner/Carter. Malcolm and Denise approach Lisa and Skupin with a promise of a final 4, but Lisa says she trusts Penner more than Malcolm so they approach him. In a move that probably wasn’t very smart, Penner says he’d rather focus on getting Abi and Pete out before he makes any promises to anyone. In previous seasons (from what I understand), Penner was burned for making promises that he couldn’t keep, and he seems hellbent on avoiding that this time around by not making any premature promises. What Penner apparently didn’t anticipate is that his procrastinating sent Lisa and Skupin right into Malcolm and Denise’s arms, where they sealed their alliance with a supercool jungle handshake. Naturally, a lot can happen in the next few weeks to shake up that handshake, but things are looking pretty good for Malcolm and Denise in particular, thanks to Malcolm’s hidden immunity idol.

The Immunity Challenge was an impressively intricate rope maze that neither Abi nor Pete had any real shot of winning. Carter took home the Immunity necklace, and I’m starting to think that he’s going to sneak into the final 4 and maybe even a win. This was his second individual immunity, and as far as I can tell, he barely says anything (positive or negative) around camp. I wouldn’t put it past him to win out and force a breakup of that solid 4 alliance.

This time, though, Carter’s win just solidified the plan – 3 votes for Abi, 3 votes for Pete, whoever doesn’t play the idol goes home. Pete makes a last-ditch effort to convince someone – anyone – to flip and vote out Malcolm while they have a chance to blindside him, but he’s almost universally rebuffed in a hilarious montage. Penner in particular was hilarious, essentially telling Pete that he gets points for trying but that’s about it. It’s only once he gets to Skupin that there might be a sliver of hope. Instead of immediately rejecting him, Skupin listens, tells him he has some good points, and generally seems to be considering the move. Couple that with the fact that we’ve seen Skupin flip based on last minute decisions before, and the Tribal Council at least had some tension.

Jeff Probst took it upon himself to take what might be his last opportunity to go after Abi. Her cluelessness at both challenges (during the reward challenge: “Abi, are you clear on what’s happening here?” “No, not really”) and her cluelessness about general social interactions were at the forefront. She was apparently completely unaware that people hated her and thought of her as annoying. When Jeff tried to give her an out by suggesting maybe her problems with the other tribe members were because of cultural differences, Abi says she doesn’t think so because she has lots of American friends who like her fiestiness. It’s a ridiculous excuse in any case, because I feel like we’d hear about it a lot more if Brazil was filled with 200 million assholes. No, Abi’s bitchiness is just due to her inherent Abi-ness.

Despite the seemingly meaningful looks between Pete and Skupin during Tribal, the vote went down exactly how it was laid out in the first act. Abi played her immunity idol, and Pete was sent home. Next week, it’ll be Abi for sure, since there’s no way she’ll even come close to winning an immunity challenge. After that, the next real phase of the game begins.

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While this week’s episode couldn’t possibly hope to live up to the craziness of last week, the surprise elimination at Tribal Council certainly let it hold its own. All in all, this is shaping up to be one of the most epic seasons of Survivor in quite awhile.

The fallout from the previous Tribal Council started immediately, with Abi immediately accusing Skupin of voting for her, and then seeming shocked when Penner revealed it was him instead. He said that he did it because he was pissed off at her, but it quickly dawned on him that he might have just royally screwed things up. If he had voted for Pete like everyone else on his side, Jeff Kent would still be there, Pete would be gone, and the balance of power would be on his side. Instead though, he was inexplicably out of the loop and left to scramble for his life once again.

I missed Penner’s previous season, but he is quickly revealing himself to be one of the best psychological players to ever play the game. He played fragile Lisa like a fiddle, commiserating with her about the pressures of child stardom, being a people-pleaser, and always wondering if she was good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough. It was brilliant really, the way that he told her that he knew she was worried about how she’d be perceived by the Survivor audience; although it’s still baffling to me, it’s clear that Lisa desperately does not want to be labelled a traitor or a liar or a backstabber. That seems to be the driving force behind her continued stubborn adherence to the  Abi-Pete-Artis alliance despite their persistent bullying. Hey, Lisa, if someone tells you every chance they get that you’re stupid, gullible, annoying, and guaranteed to get voted out before them, you are well within your rights to see if there are better options out there for you. Not only would I like her a hell of a lot more if she would flip and be instrumental in voting out she-devil Abi, I would have more respect for her because it would mean she finally stopped being a doormat loser.

All that psychological warplay happened before the reward challenge, in which the tribe was divided into 2 teams to complete an obstacle course. The teams were chosen thanks to a “schoolyard pick” (I really wish they’d show this happening one time – I think the goings-on could be quite illuminating) and the best part about this is that Abi wasn’t picked and as a result had no chance at any reward. Finally, some consequences to her “above-it-all” attitude and lack of participation in Immunity Challenges. I think Artis probably said it best when he noted that Abi seems to think she’s a genius at the game, when in fact, she’s totally clueless.

Anyway, the reward challenge was won by Penner’s team, thanks to an ingenious strategy where Penner dug up all 4 bags of balls from the mud so that all his other team members had to do was pick them up on their way by. I’m surprised no one thought of that one before. Anyway, their reward was to go to a village and give kids toys and enjoy a thank-you dinner made by the locals. I guess it was supposed to be heartwarming, but it’s really just emotional manipulation and it doesn’t add anything to the game. Plus, there’s something sort of icky about a bunch of white people who have been pretending to “survive” on the island going to dole out goodies to “natives.” I mean, they didn’t even wash the mud off of their clothes for heaven’s sake. I wonder what the kids really thought of these crazy westerners.

The immunity challenge was one of those probably-hard-in-real-life-but-really-boring-to-watch balance something games. Skupin won, apparently setting the table for an easy vote to eliminate Penner. On this season of Survivor, though there’s no such thing as a sure thing, and the scrambling around camp was in full force. Penner and the rest of the old Kabalaw decided their best move would be to vote for Artis, since Abi would never give the hidden immunity idol to him. She might give it to Pete, but not to him. At Tribal Council, Jeff was once again stunned by the obtuseness of Abi, as she admitted openly that she wasn’t sure she could trust Lisa’s loyalty. Penner couldn’t believe his luck, as Abi basically told Skupin and Lisa to vote against them.

In the end, Artis ended up with 5 votes to Penner’s 4, but it wasn’t Lisa who flipped, it was Skupin. I’ll say it again, I canNOT understand Lisa’s blind loyalty towards such terrible people, but with this vote, it seems like that won’t matter anymore. They should be able to pick off Abi or Pete next week (please God, let it be Abi) and then things will start to get interesting again. I think the reason that this season has been so great is because every 2 or 3 episodes, the status quo completely shifts – different people rise to power, different alliances form, and different concerns are brought forward. Whereas the previous few seasons have gotten stagnant in the middle as one dominant group steadfastly eliminated the weaker ones, in this season, even the dominant groups have severe weaknesses.

Next week: Lisa frets about how to “break up” with Abi. Hey Lisa, newsflash: you don’t have to break up with her, you just stop talking to her and stop voting for who she says. No breakup necessary, just stop being a puppet. I can’t wait!

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So you know how last week I went on a bit of a rant about how the result of Tribal Council felt like a big letdown because of the purposefully misleading/confusing editing? Well that was not the case this week at all. In fact, I think the castaways themselves ensured that there would be relatively little editing trickery that could be done, thanks to their mind-boggling honesty during Tribal Council.

So how’d we get there? After last week’s Tribal, Penner realizes that he’s “dead man walking” and comes back to camp making all kinds of grandiose statements about how he’s not going to just roll over and how he’s going to fight to the end. I was never a huge Penner fan, but he’s growing on me. Perhaps it’s because my dislike of Abi, Pete, and Artis is also growing and so everyone who’s not them starts to look better and better in my eyes. Penner and Skupin have a chat about how the best move is to just sit and wait for the cracks to form. There’s also an awful lot of discussion (mostly coming from Jeff Kent, but other players as well) about how much they don’t want the returning players to win. But in the same breath, they also talk about how they know it’s smart to go to the end with one of the Terrible Three, because they won’t get any votes. I wonder why no one is considering the fact that if they take the returning players to the end they won’t get any votes either. I mean, everyone wants them gone right? So who better to keep stringing along? Plus, the returning players are at least somewhat decent human beings. I’m not sure how you can see keeping Crazypants Abi, Douchebag Pete, and Whiner Artis over Penner and Skupin. Penner might be annoying and Skupin seems to be fairly useless, but at least they’re not going to kill you in your sleep or poison your rice and beans (I wouldn’t be able to sleep with Abi anywhere near me).

Anyway, the Reward Challenge pits the good guys against the bad guys (essentially) and the good guys win! The winners got to go on a leisurely boat cruise down the river, and it was nice to see people actually enjoying each other’s company for a change. Sure, Penner tried to talk a bit of strategy by pointing out that they should get rid of Abi/Pete, but that was mixed in with good food and what looked like lots of laughs, so it doesn’t really count.

The Immunity Challenge is when things really started to get crazy. Penner knew that he needed to win to keep himself in the game for 3 more days, and he played like a man possessed. I loved how his place in the final came down to a dive across the line to beat Skupin (who, by all accounts at that point, was next on the chopping block). In the final round (a puzzle of course), Penner started off slow but came roaring from behind to claim the victory and send everyone else into a strategic tailspin.

The first to take the leap was Lisa, who started sharing her knowledge of Malcolm’s hidden immunity idol with anyone who would listen. Apparently, Ms.-I-really-am-famous-I-swear(-but-shh-don’t-tell) is playing for keeps. Pete seems to believe her but for whatever reason is reluctant to actually vote out Malcolm (who could resist his smile and his flowing locks?). Malcolm is understandably both pissed at Lisa and concerned for his own survival, but it doesn’t seem like he was ever really in jeopardy. It’s hard to tell though, because there was so much strategizing in the final few minutes that it really seemed like no one knew exactly which way to go. At one point, it seemed clear that Malcolm was going to go along with Pete to vote out Jeff Kent, but then right before they left for Tribal, Malcolm also seemed to agree with Jeff Kent that the smartest move was to vote out Pete. There really were a few people calling the shots and the others just went between them, agreeing to every plan but not really knowing for sure who they were going to vote for until they got to Tribal. Again, I don’t think this was editing; I think things really were that chaotic.

And they only got more chaotic at Tribal, as an increasingly bewildered Jeff Probst tried to make sense of it all. Malcolm openly declares that Lisa threw him under the bus and voluntarily takes out his hidden immunity idol to show everyone. When Jeff Probst sarcastically asks if anyone else has a hidden idol that they’d like to reveal Abi, for reasons that I’m sure make sense in her own little universe – pulls hers out of her bag. No one seems to know what the hell is going on and it just gets crazier from there. Strategies are discussed openly and the options are laid out. The tribe either has to vote with Penner/Jeff Kent and vote out Pete, or they can vote with the Terrible Three/Lisa (apparently?) and get out Jeff Kent. Jeff Probst declared it one of the most complicated and entertaining Tribal Councils EVER, and Survivor fans Penner and Jeff Kent seemed positively delighted to have been a part of it.

Unfortunately, Jeff Kent’s delight is short-lived as his torch is snuffed, thanks to some bewildering votes for Abi along with Pete (I still have no idea how that all played out, to be honest). Also, no one played their hidden immunity idols! The shocked/panicked look on Malcolm’s face made it seem like he knew that he screwed it up and probably cost himself the game. If he would’ve given his idol to Jeff Kent (since it was abundantly clear by that point that Malcolm was never going to get any votes), then he could’ve gotten rid of Pete (chopped off the head of the snake, so to speak), then easily gotten Abi and Artis out, and been left with the gang of misfits and returning players to take his pick from. Instead, now he’s on the wrong side of the alliance and, if Abi doesn’t murder him in his sleep, he’ll likely soon feel their wrath at Tribal Council. Of course, as this week proved, nothing is certain in Survivor, but it still seemed like an awfully dumb mistake on Malcolm’s part.

One final thing – this whole season, I’ve been struggling (you know, as far as one can struggle when the struggle concerns a reality TV show of no actual consequence to one’s daily life), anyway, I’ve been struggling to reconcile Jeff Kent the jerk baseball player who I hate with Jeff Kent the Survivor player who I actually kind of liked because of his jerkiness and the fact that he seemed to be playing a really good game and didn’t talk about being famous all the time (*cough* Lisa *cough*). The toothpick was starting to get obnoxious, but I was actually kind of bummed that he got kicked out. And then . . . Asshole Jeff Kent made his reappearance in the final comments. I loved it:

“You know what pisses me off? Is I think I made about $60 million playing baseball, and I want this frickin’ million dollars in this game, and it’s not even a million bucks! It’s 600 grand by the time Obama takes it. I’m a game seven World Series loser. I played in the biggest games in the world and the worst games in the world, but this just sucks.”

You stay classy, Jeff Kent! Can’t wait to see what gems he comes up with as a member of the jury.

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